Jul 163 min read

Where The Hell Is Withernsea?

THERE'S an unforgettable scene in The Dirty Dozen featuring the late Canadian actor Donald Sutherland.

Scruffy and unshaven, he was persuaded to play the part of a general acting incognito who had to inspect a guard of honour

Coming face to face with one GI, he asked; “Where are you from, son?”

Obviously flattered at being the subject of the 'general's' attention, the soldier puffed out his chest and replied proudly:

Manassas, Missouri, sir!”

Chewing gum slowly, Sutherland's general thought for a minute, shook his head and replied:

“Never heard of it.”

That was my response when my new girlfriend told me forty years ago that she came from Withernsea.

I'd never heard of it.

In fact legend has it that Max Boyce, the Welsh comedian, (which, some might consider, is an oxymoron) turned up to perform at a venue in the town.

It quickly became clear that his fame had not spread into the wilds of East Yorkshire, for the venue was occupied by an audience of seven who had spread out across the seating area in a vain attempt to look like a crowd.

It was alleged that he was so displeased with the perception that no one knew who the hell Max Boyce was that he produced a t-shirt with the message: “where the hell is Withernsea?”

Where is it indeed?

It's twenty miles past Hull on the way to better-known towns such as Bridlington, which, unlike Withernsea, appears on the weather map of the local television station. Despite this inexcusable omission, Withernsea does actually have weather, which is often – or more accurately occasionally - quite sunny.

It also has a long promenade overlooking the North Sea. This was recently described online by a visitor as 'cerulean'. I was rather puzzled by this; I thought it meant 'a lot of water', but it actually means a very pretty shade of blue.

In the interests of accuracy, much of the blue is down to the miracle of Adobe Photoshop. Most of it is, due to the sandy shoreline, actually a muddy brown.

But it does have miles of beaches.

In the winter they are infested with anglers trying to catch fish due to the absence of a fishmonger in the town, and more likely to catch pneumonia instead.

In the summer, however, the beaches are a joy.

Unlike resorts in the south of England, they are actually sand rather than shingle, you don't have to camp overnight to get a space to sunbathe and the water is tolerably warm for paddlers paddle-boarders and would-be surfers no doubt disappointed that East Yorkshire Buses don't do scheduled runs to Santa Barbara.

There are frequent visits from denizens of the deep, seals, porpoises, dolphins, the occasional whale, and the Withernsea Mermaids, a group of local ladies who take the plunge regularly.

It's worth pointing out for the benefit of those of less masochistic tendencies, that the town's Leisure Centre is equipped with a heated pool.

So what's it got going for it? It's friendly, with plenty of good eating establishments, booze boutiques and excellent chippies.

It has a traditional carnival each year and a free music festival, and on Thursday night is a favoured destination for hundreds of bikers.

And it now has the Blue Light festival, which evolved from the Water Safety Day, and following its launch last year really put the town on the map.